- Weather: Today started off at 7c (44.6f) and got up to 21c (68 f) sunny and some wind (but pushing me ;'))
- Distance for today: 41.24 km (25.62 mi)
- Total Distance to Date: 5397.02 kl (3363.8miles)
- Song of the Day: CBC Radio "Quirks and Quarks"
Well after yesterday's super busy day it was a little more slower. I loved all the action yesterday, loved the school, the interviews. However it takes time. It's time well spent but it does alter the daily routine. Again this is not a complaint just a statement.
So we were off today. Making our way out of Winnipeg and into Portage La Prairie.
One of the great talks I had with some of the people yesterday was how much running helped me after my Brain Injury. I was fed up at being "taken care off" or being "tested". Getting a thumbs up because I remembered to eat on my own. There were so many things I could not do on my own. I think I started running out of desperation and frustration. When I ran I felt like I had so much control of me. I felt my injury I kind of, well I lost me.
This new brain was being poked and prodded, fiddled with and adjusted, watched and monitored. Every single new task was given an uneven reward.
"hey he put on show's".
"Your remembered your sisters name"
Or things were just played down.
"it's OK if you didn't remember how to get home, I get lost all the time"
People with great intentions but just a lack of understanding. Hell I didn't know what I wanted. I still don't.
Actually that's not true. I do know what I want. I don't want anyone to ever go through what I went through. Or what I have seen others go through with TBI. We become invisible, we become the hidden secret, we become forgotten. We are talked about with the way a child is that takes it's first shit without a diaper. Yet we are not children. Our view's and our opinions and are thoughts are to easily to tuck away.
Our thoughts are not taken seriously because we have a brain injury. It's easy to dismiss us, it's easy to manipulate us, or our situations. We manipulate ourselves. I get angry that people take pity on me, yet I get mad if I don't get special treatment for things.
Sometimes I feel like I was screaming to just let me swim and I was thrown into the deep end of the pool. I am scared and yet I feel stupid if I say "I can't do this"
I also want a job. I want to work somewhere that's rewarding, within my limits that does not take every single amount of mental energy I have. Leaving with an empty take for the rest of life.
So I ran. I could do this on my own. No else did this for me. No one could take it from. Especially me.
That is what I want. How about you?
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