- Weather: High of 8c (46.4 F) Strong wind all day.
- Distance for today: 39.79 km (24.72 mi)
- Total Distance to Date: 6082.25 kl (3789.51miles)
- Song of the Day: Was not into music today. Just listening to Podcast's of various people
I must say today was hard. It was not the hardest day I have had running. It was not the worth weather. While I am sick I have been sicker during the past few months. I have had days with less sleep.
It still did not make the day any easier. On day's like today when I don't want to run, when I am stopping way to often to use the bathroom. When I am a phloem making machine. I play games with myself.
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| Very windy today. It was like running an extra 50 lbs |
When I am having day's like this play a little game with myself. It starts when I get up. I say to myself " I am going to run for 10 minutes if I still want to stop then I will".
When the 10 minutes passes and I still want to stop I say "10 more minutes". I will also pick an object in the distance and tell myself I will run there and then take a brake. I will repeat the horizon as I go on.
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| The white stuff is salt. Not snow. |
I did this for most of the run. I then start to think about how angry I was the first year or so after my injury. Being told what I can't do.
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| Running past Uren |
When I was training for my first marathon less than a year after my TBI. People close to me, not all of them, told me I couldnt do it. This made me want it even more.
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| Cleared up a bit but still cold. |
When I trained for the Ironman people told me I could not do it. My body was not made for it. I did not have the drive, I did not have the physical ability. That made me angry so I finished the Ironman.
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| Stunning sunset |
Getting ready for the Run To Remember I had more people who believed in me. Yet now I had a larger responsibility. Now I had to believe in myself. I used that anger of all the people that did not believe in me, that thought I would not go back to school, live on my own, get married, get a job, run a marathon, do a triathlon, to get through today.
I don't know how healthy it is for me to get fuiled by anger. However tell me I can't do something. I will do it just to prove you wrong. Hell, just to piss you off.
I am getting my swagger back since my injury. So much was taken, everything was so hard. It was so hard. It is so hard. However look at this. Look what I am doing. Look at we can do.
So a very polite middle finger to those who never believed in me. Who talked behind my back, who set up roadblocks. Who thought I was all talk. What did you do today?
I know it's not healthy to be this angry. I don't know why I get angry when I get sick. I just want to scream about Brain Injury to anyone who will listen. I struggle some days when I wonder if anyone is noticing. I know they are, I know this is just the start.
Sometimes I want things so bad. I get so fixated on a goal and I just need to see it through. This is one of those times.
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