Your left, your left, your left, right, left.

Your left, your left, your left, right, left. by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Your left, your left, your left right left.

·        Weather today: 23 Celsius (73 Fahrenheit)

·        Today’s run distance: 21.12 km (13.12 miles)

·        Run distance to day: 2737.43 km (1700.95 miles)

·        Song of the day: Lots of angry heavy metal.

Your left;

Slept bad last night, I was unable to sleep due to an infection that I have developed on a very sensitive part of my anatomy. It means that when my skin moves there is a burning sensation that just doesn’t stop. It was impossible to get comfortable. Then at about 1:00 am there were teenagers knocking on the RV door for fun at 1am! We park at Wall-Marts when we don’t have a campground. So there tends to be noise and traffic, but last night was just some kids out on Friday night.

Your left;

I woke up and I did not want to go for a run. My body hurts; I was tired; but we were up and out. We drove to yesterday’s run stop and I was off.

I start the run in my old shoes with a new insole. The pain in each step feels like an electric shock that runs from my heel straight up my leg to the back of my knee, to my hip. It then travels to the small of my back and up my spine stopping at the back of my head. Every single step.

Your left;

I change shoes to the ones we got the other day. The shock of pain goes away but the width of the shoe is too big. If I tighten it to keep my foot from moving then the circulation gets cut off and my toes feel numb. If it's too loose then I have too much room and my foot slides around causing blisters. Blisters when I have to run again tomorrow are not something that I want.

Right;

I am feeling discouraged at this point. Every step is so painful; I just can’t get into the run. I am frustrated at the lack of the right shoe, I am frustrated at the cell and internet loss, I am frustrated I can’t sleep; I am frustrated I can’t take a step without hurting.

My resolve is fading and it’s one of those days where I am wondering if anyone is even noticing. I am frustrated and feeling like I am not running enough, or long enough. I feel like I have been running forever.

Then I am mad at myself for feeling sorry for myself. I think about that family in the hospital waiting to hear about their family member, or that person who is just recovering from their injury. When I think of the worry, the sadness, the confusion and the struggle it reminds me that what I'm feeling out here on the road is nothing compared to that.

Left;

How can I complain, how can I stop. Yet I do stop. I can’t go on.

I resolve to myself that I will run a ½ marathon today. Then I will stop. I am then going to find some time to be alone. Just write and express how I am feeling. I don’t want to talk only about the good days, and the good moments. I want to share the whole event. It’s very important to me that people see that it is just me, Melissa, and Mandy out here.

I say this not to inflict guilt, but understanding, and hope. I want people to know that yes I have a brain injury, yes life is hard, and yes there are times when everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. I have the same days you do when you don’t want to go to work. I have the same days where I want someone to notice me, where I am feeling a little down. I am wondering what I am doing, what is the point. Who will notice anyway? Today is just one of those days.

I lost part of my disability income when I left my province. So I only receive a very small amount of money each month. It doesn’t even cover my minimum payments on my bills. My wife has taken the summer off from working, we make just enough to cover the mortgage. This is not only a physical struggle for me, but also a financial one.

After my head injury I lost so much, my job, my friends, some of my family. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Today it just all came crashing down.

There is a Psychology theory about “daily hassles”. This theory proposes that it’s not always a mental condition that causes people to climb clock towers and start killing strangers. It’s not just some moment in time that gets that father of four out of his car to beat someone for cutting him off in traffic. It proposes that it’s an accumulation of all the little things that go wrong in the day.

You woke up late because the alarm didn’t get set right. You spill your coffee on your only outfit that is clean enough for work. You get cut off in traffic because there was an accident and you’re running late. Your spouse calls and you have a stupid argument, the bank calls and there is a problem with one of your accounts and your mortgage payment didn’t go through. You get a call from your call dealer wondering why you have not paid. You get to work and that co-worker you can’t stand is being especially difficult. Then your boss fires you and tells you there is no severance package because of some stupid reason. You go back to your car and your car is being ticketed but an especially grumpy cop. You try to explain the day you’re having he doesn’t care. And you snap.

Daily hassles.

That was my day today.

As many hassles as I had however. That is nothing compared to the 10 people’s lives that have just been changed forever due to a brain injury in the time it took me to type this.

I don’t feel bad about stopping at a ½ marathon today. How I am feeling is temporary. Everything will work out. The world has not conspired against me. It’s more likely it’s my interpretation of the world that has changed, justified or not.

Early in run day about 8 horses ran alongside me inside their fenced yard. It was really neat.

Tomorrow I will try again.

You’re left, your left, your left, right, left…………