Song of the day. Lot's of Black Eyed Peas and a Mix of Jane's Addiction
Today was one of those runs that I just could not get into. I didn't want to run, I hurt, it was hilly, it was windy in the wrong direction. I just could not get into the motion. I just could not get into the run.
I wanted to stop after the first kilometer, I wanted to stop after the second kilometer. I took a rest at the 2 hour mark. I got a call from my wife who was able to inspire me to go on. She reminded me why I as doing this. That it may hurt, it may be hard, but someone right now just found out there loved one had a brain injury. In fact in the time I ran today 80 more people in North America had a brain injury. They were facing the same, or worse, experiences I went through and my family went through.
This helped me relive a bit of the first couple of years after my accident. My frustration at dealing with Social Service that had someone on maternity leave and no one to replace them when I left the hospital.
How I was so frustrated at the Occupational Therapists I had and there inability to see me as a person and not a list of things to check off on a form.
How the insurance company and my job put me through the wringer making me "prove" my disability again and again. Like I was faking the chunk of brain in liquid nitrogen.
How I lost friends that did not know how to get used to the new me, or even want to.
On top of this I am learning to live again with a sever brain injury. Trying to wade through life dealing with very difficult issues and not having the cognitive skills to understand them.
So today I got through for three reasons. 1) I am angry, angry at all the hurdles people have to go through in one of the most fragile times of there lives. With very few people I could rely on. 2) If I don't do something about the current situation who will? What right do I have to complain and feel sorry for myself if I am not willing to do anything? 3) How can I possibly let my own discomfort, my own self pity, my own limitations stop me, when someone right now just had one of the most horrific days of there lives and is informed they will never walk again?
So today I got angry. I got my inner drill sergeant to kick me in the butt and push me on. To suck it up and put one foot in front of the other. Because I can. Because someone else has it worse and they can't. So I am running on there anger as well.
